First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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