I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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