She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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