I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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