he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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