That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
