yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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