I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That accounts for only three of the penises
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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