hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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