New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
