wanna go halves on a baby?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
