then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize