are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You ruined the universe
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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