well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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