you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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