I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
