super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
