we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
