youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
