he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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