it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
