just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
