i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
