I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
