oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
