found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
