watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize