well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
