How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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