yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
