Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
