One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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