I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
did you just send me my own nude
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize