nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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