nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
