My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
