What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize