the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
