Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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