the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
