I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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