last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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