Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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