you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
