the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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