I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
