I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize