dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
