Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
