maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
