Your face is a jimmy john
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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