I intend to get homeless drunk
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
