the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You pole danced in your parka.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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