how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
