I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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