oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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