Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
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i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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