I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she smelled like a LAN party
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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