i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
