why didn't you poke me back
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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